First thing when my son comes home, he goes to the dog, and they share a few moments of mutual adoration and affection (face licks, tail waging, cooing noises). Seeing them together warms my heart. What does my son see in his special friend?

• The no-pressure act of just being

• No one is asking, prodding or demanding ANYTHING

• The warm & fuzzy factor

Then I get it:  for him, my efforts to connect feel like poking, nudging, and even prying; less like a relaxed, neutral, loving presence.

Over dinner my friend Katie shared her biggest take away from taking my parenting series some many years ago. She said,

“It was this simple yet profound concept of communicating the message of love. For me this means continually focusing on the big picture with my kids and letting them know that I love them. I apologize for my behavior when I lose it with them. Now, they’re used to that and even though I make plenty of mistakes and am not a perfect mother, I’m certain they know how much I love them. Every day I’m aware of the value of communicating that love, even in the smallest interactions.”

Here I describe an everyday interaction with my 6 yo, one from BEFORE understanding the Positive Discipline perspective and one, AFTER. I hope this illustration helps you see how simple shifts can deepen your genuine connection with your child.

And the tirade begins - I’m sparing you many of the gruesome details but these quotes will give you the flavor.

You're the boringest in my whole entire family because you always mention boring things to me and I HATE YOU!

I want daddy!

I wish I were dead!

(she repeats this last one several times I think because she’s startled that I’m not reacting)

I’m not as composed as I want to be. Being a parent educator can really inflame feelings of parental inadequacy. My inner dialogue that thankfully doesn’t come out my mouth is, S you’re acting like a spoiled brat and

what have I done to create this monster? How can I possibly say I have any answers for parents when my kid is acting like this!